As sane and empowered as I claim to be, the occasional glossy magazine still has the power to catch my eye every now and again. When I see Gwyneth, Angelina or one of the Jennifers staring out at me on a cover, looking toned, tan and content, I'll find myself wondering . . . "Damn, how do they do it?"
Author Rachel Bertsche embarked on a journey to discover just that. In Jennifer, Gwyneth and Me: The Pursuit of Happiness, one Celebrity at a Time, Bertsche "attacks" a different aspect of celebrity life in each chapter. A freelance journalist and no stranger to celebrity fascination, Bertsche examines body issues, style debacles and pregnancy struggles while trying to become happier, healthier and generally more organized in her own chaotic life.
Written with humor, humility and a healthy dose of self-awareness, the book is a fast and enjoyable read, but it's not Bertsche's first attempt at chronicling the improvement of her life. In her first book, MWF Seeking BFF, Bertsche details the grueling task of making new friends. At the time she had moved from New York City to Chicago, where she now lives with her husband and baby daughter.
We recently caught up with Bertsche about writing, the freelance life and the art of developing friendships.
You wrote a very honest and hilarious book about female friendship. Why is friendship between women so special?
Oh God, I can't even count the ways. Friendships are important because it's crucial to have several people in your life and not to put all the pressure on your partner if you have one. It's healthier, too. Research shows that people with independent lives have less chance of divorce. Your girlfriends will always have qualities that your partner lacks.
Once you land a BFF, how do you keep the flame going?
Even before that, remember that it's hard to make friends when you're older—there's no summer camp and daycare. And people are so busy looking for love they forget to look for friends, or too embarrassed to admit they're looking. Then, the first step is to sign up for things: a book club, a running club, etc. Join a group that meets regularly and it will take the pressure off calling a potential friend and scheduling meetings.
And say yes to all invitations even if it's awkward—a new friend isn't going to appear if you sit on the couch all day. Mention that you're looking for new friends, so people can set you up—just put yourself out there. Turning acquaintances into friendships is the hardest part probably. At the beginning, you have to make the first, second and third step. And trust your instinct—you can get a sense pretty early on what kind of relationship you want to have with a person.
What are your favorite things to do with friends to keep the friendship active and engaging?
Whatever I do alone: shopping, watching TV, yoga. But mostly, because I'm a social person who gets energy from catching up with people, all I want to do is talk over dinner.
In your second book, you address celebrity life. What do you think makes us crave the famous life?
A lot of women feel pressure to do it all and a lot of that comes from celebrity portraits on the media. We are bombarded with celebrities. If you see someone enough, being so perfect, you start to wonder if you can have some of that. And the media doesn't stress that celebrities have help—maids and personal chefs and the like. There's pressure to do it all and do it all well.
What are the most interesting things you learned while working on Jennifer, Gwyneth and Me?
One of the things I learned is that you can make celebrity culture work for you. It's easy to look at them and feel bad about yourself, but you can use celebrities as inspiration to be the best self you can be. We get our role models where we can.
Do you recommend choosing a celebrity role model?
Yes, when you feel that your life is chaotic and you're not satisfied with aspects of it, it's hard to know where to even start—and picking a celebrity muse can help you with that. But keep in mind that you can only do so much. You can't go through the airport like Angelina Jolie. You have to remember celebrities are the exception, not the rule— you can't beat yourself up if you can't whip up a Chinese duck menu every night, but you can do the little things: buy the cookbook, do the yoga—there are ways to incorporate glamour into everyday life, in small doses. And through the process, you have to remember that no one can do it all, even celebrities. Tina Fey doesn't work out, some celebrities don't cook. And the great thing about not being a celebrity—the paparazzi are not going to catch you sitting on the couch and nobody is going to judge you. So, you shouldn't judge yourself, too.
Writing one book is a feat! Writing two is amazing. Do you have any writing secrets that you can share?
I had these ideas and just thought they might be worth looking into. I was lucky enough to find an agent and she connected me to an editor. Then, I found strength every day to do a bit of writing—that's all there's to it.
Which of the celeb-inspired techniques that you mention in the book actually work for you in real life?
Working a little bit of exercise into each day (inspired by Jennifer Aniston)—even running for 30 minutes, I had more energy and happiness than before. Incorporating fashion and dressing better (inspired by Sarah Jessica Parker) gave me a positive rush and did a big boost for self confidence—and I'm not even someone who's constantly cruising the pages of fashion magazines. Jennifer Garner's inspiration to not neglect spending time with my husband beyond the "do the dishes, pick up the baby" routine. I embraced his football team, he picked up yoga—it's important to take the time to have fun together.
What advice you have for fellow freelancers, as someone who's constantly working from home?
First, you have to remember you have the luxury not to be in an office nine to five, so be flexible. If working on the weekend or at night, because you're more of a night person, works, great. Just figure out where and how you work best, be it in bed or in a coffee shop.
In your second book, you mention the desire for a baby, cooking and improving your body image. Is it possible to want these things and still be an active part of the feminist discourse?
Absolutely, you can be a feminist and still want to have a better body. I definitely consider myself a feminist, and to me, it's about believing that women should have the right to make choices that are best for them, whatever they may be. These choices are ours to make. My career is very important to me, and so is my child, my house and my marriage—and it's important to have the freedom to combine all of these things.
What's your next adventure?
I don't know—motherhood is my main adventure at the moment!
